THOSE DISASTROUS ANCESTORS
OF MINE
Copyright 1999.
 
TODAY WE BURIED GREAT UNCLE TED
DIED UN-EXPECTANTLY THE OBITUARY READ
HOW UN-EXPECTING CAN PEOPLE BE
AFTER ALL THE OLD FART WAS A HUNDRED AND THREE
 
GREAT UNCLE TED'S FATHER WAS A HUNDRED AND SEVEN
WHEN HE POPPED HIS CLOGS AND WENT TO HEAVEN
AND HIS FATHER BEFORE HIM ONE HUNDRED AND ONE
THEY SAY HE DIED SUDDENLY WHILE CLEANING HIS GUN
 
HE WAS LOOKING DOWN THE BARREL FOR HIDDEN DIRT
YOUR TEAS ON THE TABLE, YELLED HIS MANIC WIFE GERT
BUT HE CHOSE TO IGNORE HER, MUCH TO HER DISMAY
SO SHE PULLED THE TRIGGER AND BLEW HIM AWAY
 
GREAT UNCLE TED'S BROTHER WAS GREAT UNCLE CHUCK
WHO FLOGGED STOLEN GOODS FROM THE BACK OF A TRUCK
HE LEFT TWO SONS AND A WIDOW NAMED FLORRY
WHEN THE POOR SOD FELL OFF THE BACK OF A LORRY
 
NOW HIS ELDEST SISTER WAS MY GREAT AUNT GWEN
AND A BIT OF A RAVER WHEN IT CAME TO MEN
TWELVE TIMES A NIGHT AND SHE WASN'T DREAMING
RED HOT IN HER COFFIN AND THEY SAY SHE'S STILL STEAMING
 
THE YOUNGEST GIRL WAS MY GREAT AUNT TRISH
WIDOWED EIGHT TIMES, THEY ALL ATE POISONED FISH
ALL EXCEPT ONE, HE DIED FROM A BLOW TO THE HEAD
WELL, HE REFUSED THE FISH, MY GREAT AUNTIE TRISH SAID
 
THEN THERE WAS GREAT AUNT NELL WHO HAD KIDS BY THE SCORE
ALL WRINKLED AND GREY, SHE SAID I WILL TRY FOR ONE MORE
THE RECORDS MUST BE WRONG, THEY CAN NEVER BE TRUE
THEY SAY SHE DIED GIVING BIRTH, AGED NINETY TWO
 
NOW MY GREAT UNCLE BILL DIED OF DYSENTERY THEY SAY
THE POOR CHAP JUST SIMPLY MELTED AWAY
TO SAVE ON EXPENSES, SAID GREAT AUNTIE SUE
I COMMIT THIS BODY TO THE DEEP, AND FLUSHED HIM DOWN THE LOO
 
AND MY GREAT UNCLE DICK CALLED HIS SON ONE DAY
YOU CANT MARRY THAT GIRL SON, I'M SORRY TO SAY
JUST LISTEN TO ME HE BEGGED IN A WHISPER
YOUR MOTHER DON'T KNOW BUT THAT GIRL IS YOUR SISTER
 
NOW MY COUSIN TWICE REMOVED AND OF LITTLE EDUCATION
RAN TO HIS MOTHER IN SHEER DESPERATION
OH MAM HE CRIED I'M GOING OFF MY HEAD
I CANT MARRY THAT GIRL, SHE'S MY SISTER DAD SAID
 
THERE THERE SAID HIS MOTHER DON'T YOU FRET MY BOY
WHAT I'M ABOUT TO TELL YOU SHOULD BRING YOU JOY
YOU CAN MARRY THAT GIRL, GO ON OFF YOU GO
CAUSE YOUR DADDY AIN'T YOUR DADDY, BUT YOUR DADDY DON'T KNOW
 
TRACING MY ANCESTORS WAS A PLEASURE FOR ME
ALTHOUGH I HAVE TO ADMIT THERE ARE SOME ODDITIES
BUT A LOT MORE SURPRISES I AM SURE TO GET
I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED ON MY MOTHERS SIDE YET.
 
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